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“We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.”
― Pema Chödrön

‘Tis the season of March Madness: the thrilling culmination of the college basketball season. March was once my least favorite month given its not-quite-spring-enough-with-the-winter-already damp, chilly grayness. But then I moved to Charlottesville and married a UVA grad and now I’m right there all month in my orange and blue pulling for the Hoos.

Over time, I’ve discovered that during March Madness (and, well, all year) I need to cultivate two things: the courage to allow myself fully into the energy and excitement and the skill to settle myself down.

It’s not just the way of college basketball. Shaking up and settling down is the way of life. Things pull in and spiral out. Our muscles contract and then lengthen. Breath draws in and relaxes out. My heart and mind and spirit get stirred up and then they quiet again.

Despite this reality, I often fear and resist the excitement, the turmoil, the uncertainty. It feels easier and safer to stay in control, in comfort, in habit.

This is, in part, why I practice on my mat, on the dance floor, and on the cushion. I practice getting stirred up and then settling down. I practice literally shaking myself and finding my center and ground. I practice remembering that this is the way of things and that happiness is rooted in my ability to move in and out of both.

No matter how much I want to avoid the tempest swirl, life doesn’t work that way. Inevitably, I get stirred up. Inevitably, I get activated. If not by March Madness or Wheel Pose or the latest headlines, then by a health crisis or a relationship rift or the loss of a friend. And when this happens, can I be in the swirling stirring with skill and then can I find my way out again to a state of peace?

Join me this week to dance with this courage and skill, to shake it up, shake it off and settle down…and then do it again.

 

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This is my yoga mat. At the end of every class, I draw a heart. This is a picture of a process. All together, the hearts create not just an image but a practice.

And, would ya look at that? A routine created itself this week. I put together music that focused on the process and taking one step at a time, and this routine emerged. I’m calling it One Step Closer and we’ll keep playing with it to see what happens. I’d love feedback and thoughts from those who danced (or listened) to it this week!

Our variations on the One Step Closer playlist are below. If you’d like to listen to them, you can find almost all the music on Spotify where you can listen for free! Put the music we dance together with other pieces that lift you up, calm you, and challenge you!

But first, here are a couple of things I know you want to know about:

Moving to Heal classes with Sheila Queen Fridays 12:30-2pm at Northside Library
Join Nia Blue Belt and Moving to Heal Instructor, Sheila Queen for a class designed for anybody looking for a gentle movement practice to complement and facilitate healing of body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Introductory classes offered at the Northside Libary Meeting room on Fridays, 1230-2pm, Jan 26, Feb 2 & 23, Mar 2, 9 & 23, Apr 6, 13 & 27. Contact Sheila with questions and for more information at squeen125@gmail.com and 434.882.4129.

Freedom to Move Workshop with Life Coach Heidi Shaner ~ Saturday, January 27, 2-5pm
Do you wish you could DANCE WITHOUT INHIBITION like you dance when you’re alone? YOU CAN! Join Edwin Roa, founder of Zabor Dance and Heidi Shaner, Strategic Intervention Life Coach, for an intensive workshop.

You’ve set your new year’s resolution so why not include EMOTIONAL WEIGHT LOSS? Yes! We’re integrating the best of both worlds: physical and emotional for an amazing experience of creativity and freedom.

What’s holding you back from moving your feet, hips, and shoulders freely? What obstacles prevent you from experiencing joy in your body?

We’ll explore the mind/body connection, how obstacles are created, what we really want, and how we can shift resistance through movement and discussion. We’ll create and perform a group dance to celebrate in this 3 hour workshop.

Join us for this self care, self love exploration and find freedom, joy, and connection in movement.

All are welcome, open to everyone.

Get out of your own way! Unleash your soul!
https://www.facebook.com/events/196616744225290/
Nourish Yourself & Live Life to the Fullest in Puglia – Southern Italy
April 28 – May 5, 2018 with Sandra Savine, Balanced Hedonist

Join Sandra Savine and Cinzia Rascazzo for a retreat: “Nourish Yourself & Live Life to the Fullest” in southern Italy (Puglia) at the beautiful 4 star hotel Tenuta Centoporte Resort – Giurdignano (Lecce), Puglia Italy http://www.tenutacentoporte.it/en/home/

Slow down and live life to the fullest: Take cooking classes, eat simple, delicious and nutritious Italian food. Savor the healthiest extra virgin olive oil. Pamper yourself in lovely Mediterranean style. Release yourself from stressful habits that do not serve you as you nourish the self and embrace the beauty and joy that is available to you in every moment.

Price is 2990 euro per person (based on a double/twin room accommodation – only 10 rooms available).
http://hosted.verticalresponse.com/649296/ae6f060099/289604645/9977cedc66/
As always, please let me know if you have questions or how I can help more.
Dance on. Shine on.
Susan sig

Monday, Jan 22, 2018, 1045am ~ Loving the Process (One Step Closer)

Step Into Your Skin 2:24 David Wilcox
One Step Closer To You 4:41 Michael Franti & Spearhead
Each Step Moves Us On [Feat. Zap Mama & Speech] 8:34 1 Giant Leap
Walk Into The Sun 5:21 Dirty Vegas
Every Day is a Winding Road 4:23 Sheryl Crow
Welcome to the Journey 5:04 Cybertribe
Bizuru dub (Eccodek Stepper’s Dub Mix) 5:08 Eccodek Remixtasy
Steppin Out 3:44 Kaskade
One Step Beyond 6:06 Karsh Kale
Homeward Journey 2:46 Satish Vyas
Little By Little 5:30 Groove Armada
Feelin’ Good 4:21 The Pussycat Dolls
Journey Into Stillness 4:41 Gary Stroutsos

Tuesday, Jan 23, 2018, 840am ~ Loving the Process (One Step Closer)

Step Into Your Skin 2:24 David Wilcox
One Step Closer To You 4:41 Michael Franti & Spearhead
Each Step Moves Us On [Feat. Zap Mama & Speech] 8:34 1 Giant Leap
Walk Into The Sun 5:21 Dirty Vegas
Every Day is a Winding Road 4:23 Sheryl Crow
Welcome to the Journey 5:04 Cybertribe
Steppin Out 3:44 Kaskade
One Step Beyond 6:06 Karsh Kale
Homeward Journey 2:46 Satish Vyas
Feelin’ Good 4:21 The Pussycat Dolls
Journey Into Stillness 4:41 Gary Stroutsos

Wednesday, Jan 24, 2017, 11am ~ Loving the Process (One Step Closer)

Step Into Your Skin 2:24 David Wilcox
One Step Closer To You 4:41 Michael Franti & Spearhead
Each Step Moves Us On [Feat. Zap Mama & Speech] 8:34 1 Giant Leap
Walk Into The Sun 5:21 Dirty Vegas
Every Day is a Winding Road 4:23 Sheryl Crow
Welcome to the Journey 5:04 Cybertribe
Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby? [Rae & Christian Remix] 4:59 Dinah Washington
Steppin Out 3:44 Kaskade
Fanfarra_(Cabua-Le-Le) 4:05 Sergio_Mendes
Things Can Only Get Better 3:56 Howard Jones
Homeward Journey 2:46 Satish Vyas
Feelin’ Good 4:21 The Pussycat Dolls
Journey Into Stillness 4:41 Gary Stroutsos

Thursday, Jan 25, 2017, 840am ~ Loving the Process (One Step Closer)

Step Into Your Skin 2:24 David Wilcox
One Step Closer To You 4:41 Michael Franti & Spearhead
Each Step Moves Us On [Feat. Zap Mama & Speech] 8:34 1 Giant Leap
Every Day is a Winding Road 4:23 Sheryl Crow
Welcome to the Journey 5:04 Cybertribe
Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby? [Rae & Christian Remix] 4:59 Dinah Washington
Steppin Out 3:44 Kaskade
Fanfarra_(Cabua-Le-Le) 4:05 Sergio_Mendes
Things Can Only Get Better 3:56 Howard Jones
Homeward Journey 2:46 Satish Vyas
Feelin’ Good 4:21 The Pussycat Dolls
Journey Into Stillness 4:41 Gary Stroutsos

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT NIA?

For more information about Nia and this rich system of training and learning? Everything Nia is at http://www.nianow.com…
If you’re traveling or moving, you can find a teacher or classes wherever you’re going.
Interested in teaching or deepening your practice? Check out the Nia White Belt Training. They are offered all around the world so you can find one near you or where you may want to go!

Especially this time of year and especially as Americans, we can get hyper-focused on goals. “THIS,” I say to myself, “is what I want to achieve/do/be!”

But what if goals actually get in our way more than they get us where we want to go?

Writer James Clear in his article Forget About Setting Goals. Focus on Process Instead, argues that goals actually discourage us and don’t motivate us to keep going. By focusing on the process or the system, we get to what we strive for (and beyond) with more ease and success. Read his great piece here.

I love how Eric Thomas puts it. I can really relate to focusing on falling in love with the process over looking far ahead to a big goal. You can hear him talk about his own story of falling in love with the process here.

OK, so I adulterated the famous Chinese proverb from Lao Tzu a little. But you get the idea. Looking into the future doesn’t help us as much as focusing on what we can do now to get where we want to go. Set up a system and put your energy there. This short video explains it succinctly and persuasively.

Bonus Extra Opportunity to Apply This Wisdom!

Here’s something that you can play with: write down goals for each of the realms – body, mind, emotions & spirit. (This is actually optional, but I find it to be helpful to get to the next step.) THEN write down the processes and systems that will move you little by little, day by day, step by step in that direction. For example, here is mine for my mental realm:

Susan’s System:
Make art every day and share it. Learn new approaches every week – new songs, new drawing materials/exercises, new subject matter. Every week, challenge my habits and learn how to reach more of people who are turned on by what I do.

Susan’s Goal/Mental Realm (again, this is optional, but it’s helpful in creating the system):
I am a professional artist who creates images and experiences that awaken, inspire & delight as many people as possible.

I recommend actually writing these down — even better if you do it with a real pen on actual paper! It changes the brain to do this clearly and explicitly. Then post it somewhere you can see it and put your system into your schedule.

I’d love to hear how this works for you and even examples of your Goals/Systems if you’re willing to share them.

Breathe Deep, my friends. Shine Bright. Show Up.

This week, I’m taking a couple of days away from teaching and my regular life. This choice is both part of my practice and a result of my practice. In fact, times like these are why I practice.

A cancelled vacation in January and the addition of new activities and responsibilities have drained my battery. What I need is a couple of days in Nature with my best friend being astonished by spring.

One part of the way that I know I need a break is mindfulness practice. The daily practice of listening to my body and mind gives me clues when something is out of balance. Which is not to say that I always listen with complete purity to said clues. In fact, I often ignore them.

And that leads to the second part of the way I know that I need a break: my friend suggested it.

Based on her observations, she thought I needed some time away. “Do you feel at all like you did before you went on Sabbatical?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say surprisingly, even alarmingly, quickly. “Yes, that’s how I feel.”

At which point she offers to teach for me and that was that.

Both of these things happen in my formal practices: on my cushion, on my mat, on the dance floor. I practice paying attention. I do my best to listen to subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) signals and sensations and respond to them. And when I either don’t notice something or when I ignore what I’m noticing, I am lucky enough to have teachers to help shine light on what I can’t see.

Why do I practice?
It’s not to get better at meditation.
It’s not to get better and doing yoga postures.
It’s not even to get better at dancing.
I practice to get better at life.


So, Anne will be teaching for me on Monday at 10:45am at acac Albemarle Square and Mary Linn on Tuesday at 8:40am at acac Downtown. I’ll be back on Wednesday at the Square and Thursday Downtown.

If you’re interested in this topic, you might enjoy reading these fanglorious posts:

Voluntary Discomfort from November 11, 2013

and

Why I Meditate, Part 2 from February 27, 2015

willing-to-feel-012717

“What do you do when you meditate and dance and you still feel angry?”

Her hair is sweaty, her cheeks are pink and her eyes exhausted.

It’s a good question…and I draw a complete blank. What do we do?

Alice Walker said “Hard times call for furious dancing” and heaven knows that’s what I’ve been doing. But the knot in my heart doesn’t seem to shift. The tightness in my belly and the swirl in my brain don’t go away.

As I look into her tired face looking for an answer, what pops into my mind is what my therapist, James Yates says: the only way out is through.

Gah, I hate it when he says that and he says it all the freaking time. I usually roll my eyes and make a face at him since it means I can’t skirt around the pain. I can’t take a pill or say a mantra or distract myself and think it will shift or heal. The bumper sticker truth is: The Only Way to Heal it is to Feel it.

One of the Nia Technique founders, Debbie Rosas told me once that when people ask her about what she does for work, she says, “I teach people to feel.” Which I thought was all woo-woo and gauzy dresses and Enya at the time. But after 17 years of teaching, I see that she is right. Somatic practices like Nia and yoga (and any body~mind method) are all about feeling sensation.

And doesn’t take much self or human observation to notice how much effort we put into avoiding feeling anything.

Maybe it’s natural to do the easiest thing. Water flows down the path of least resistance, why shouldn’t we? Our car seats have gotten cushier and smooshier. Our houses and offices can be heated and cooled to the precise degree. Our sneakers have air pockets, our jeans are prewashed, our fleece jackets are so soft and light that it’s like wearing a warm cloud. In the midst of all this comfort, we spend most of our time denying, avoiding, and running from any intense feeling.

Life has a way of overturning all our ardent efforts to make our days comfortable, easy, and convenient. It doesn’t matter how much money I pour into my custom-made luxuriousness. It doesn’t matter how obsessively I secure myself against difficulty (Check out Evan Osnos’ New Yorker piece, Survival of the Richest on people who are attempting this now.). It doesn’t matter. One way or another, discomfort and challenge will happen. It is the nature of human life.

The question is, how will I handle it when it inevitably arises? The answer lies in how much I’ve practiced being present in the face of difficulty. The skillfulness of my thoughts, words, and actions in adversity comes down to how comfortable I am with discomfort.

“Hard times call for furious dancing.” I’ve always thought that meant that dancing makes it feel better, makes the hardness not so hard. But now I’m realizing that furious dancing allows us to feel.

She asked a good question: what do you do when you’ve practiced and you still feel angry (or sad or afraid or…)? The answer is that practicing Nia or yoga or meditation isn’t meant to make the sensations go away. Practicing is meant to increase our capacity to feel all of it. Since without feeling it, it will never ease, it will never heal.

Dammit if James isn’t right: the only way out is through.


If you enjoyed this post, great! Please share it!
And you might also like this one from November 2013: Voluntary Discomfort

shine-on-still-121816
These days as winter approaches. These days that get darker and darker. These days when the cold settles in. Every single year, these days challenge me body, mind and spirit.

In search of inspiration last week, I stumbled upon a poem that I wrote two Decembers ago when the world felt as dark as I’d ever remembered. Like a friend giving you back your own words of encouragement, it was oddly helpful to read what I myself had written 24 months ago. It reminded me of the constant cycle of things and that it is, as ever, our own light that is needed in the darkest of days.

Be the light, my friends. Blessings on this solstice.

Shine On

Darkness descends on our little city
(Maybe on yours, too. Or maybe on you.)

December with its Solstice silent blanket
And shadows darker under Nature’s night:
Disappearance and death
Violent violation
Agony, isolation
Fear

Even so
There is the moon
Luminous, listening
Receiving, reflecting
Illuminated from the source
Bright enough to wake us
So we can marvel

The city’s sinew
Its strongest femur
Bruised blue-black
Deep-rooted dis-ease
Stories and secrets
Defensive denial
Tangled doubt

Even so
There is the sun
Radiant, reassuring
Ever-generous, if shy these days
Self-sourced force toward which
the amaryllis aches and arches

Darkness is part of us
Shadows spiral in our fibers
Charcoal curtains can narrow vision

Each of us glow, reflect, radiate

But in these dark days
We bundle and trundle it
Beneath heavy coats of despair
Zip up and button down
Tuck in and turn out
Crossed arms over lost heart
Sighing sideways eyes
Furtively looking to see
Who will spark the shift
And shine the light

You
You are the light
You are the sun
The very source
You are the moon
Tender reflection

In the darkest of days
Unwrap
Show up
Shine out
Shine on.

noncomplementarity-121016

One of the most terrifying experiences I’ve ever had was on the streets of Boston’s North End. I wasn’t mugged and no mafia bosses wanted me to sleep with the fishes, but it scared the life out of me just the same.

On a Sunday afternoon, my boyfriend and I were double-parked in front of our apartment so we could unload our car. As much as Bostonians love hockey, football, and baseball, their two favorite sports are double parking and yelling at each other for double parking. So it was no surprise that a man in a Jeep pulled into our street and yelled about how stupid we were for parking like that. What was surprising was when my boyfriend, John, said something back to him, the guy jumped out of his car, flew across the sidewalk and smacked John in the face.

As scary and upsetting as this was, it was only then that the truly terrifying thing happened: I. Lost. My. Mind.

In a flash of white hot rage, I ran up to the man, got inches from his face, and screamed at him about his cowardice and lack of intellectual acuity (not my actual words). I bumped his chest with mine. I told him what a craven loser I thought he was. I dared him to hit me. He didn’t. Instead, he spit some hot words and drove away.

What terrified me wasn’t the angry Boston driver. It was me. I had no idea I had a lunatic living just under my skin. No idea about the fire in me that could be released so fast. It wasn’t the fight with a stranger but my own explosive fury that scared the bejeezus out of me.

Compare my story with one of my favorites from “Flip the Script,” an episode in the latest season of the Invisibilia podcast*: two families gather on a summer night on a backyard terrace for dinner and celebration. In the midst of their happy evening, a man walks into their midst with a gun. He points it at one of the women and tells them that if they don’t give him all their money, he will shoot her. But the group was outside, having a meal. No one had any money. None. The gunman didn’t believe them and ramped up his threats.

Then a woman at the table spoke up. “Will you have a glass of wine with us?”

Her question disarmed him in every sense. He put down his gun, had a glass of wine, ate a little cheese and asked for a hug. He thanked them and quietly left, gently setting his empty glass on the steps as he walked away.

Psychologists call the woman’s offer of wine noncomplementarity or doing the opposite of what the other is doing. The most natural response in any interaction is complementary behavior: to treat the other person as they treat you. If they are kind, it’s most natural to be kind back. If they are aggressive to you, well, remember me and the Boston guy?

But sometimes, the most powerful thing to do is noncomplementary: to get out of sync with the other.

Noncomplemenarity isn’t easy. It requires us to override our natural instinct and intuition. And as the Invisibilia story (ans any nonviolent protest from Gandhi to civil rights) points out, making that unnatural choice can completely turn situations around.

Buddhists call it tonglen: a practice which Pema Chödrön describes as “…a method for connecting with suffering—ours and that which is all around us…. a method for overcoming fear of suffering and for dissolving the tightness of our heart.”
(read a helpful article about tonglen by Ani Pema here.)

Simply stated, tonglen is the practice of breathing in suffering and breathing out ease for that suffering. (Do a short tonglen practice with her here.)

My favorite description of tonglen and the one I return to over and over comes from the book How Yoga Works by Geshe Michael Roach**. In it, we imagine suffering as inky black tar around the heart of another. As we breathe in, we draw the sticky black suffering out of their heart and pull it into the flame of our own heart which explodes the blackness into white light.

We can practice tonglen or noncomplementarity whenever we encounter suffering: in our own bodies or minds, in relationships with our nearest or with strangers, in our communities and organizations, and in animals and the environment, in countries and the world. Instead of meeting suffering with suffering, instead of turning away, meet suffering with the heat and light of the heart.

The fire that exploded in me on that Boston street was instinct and reflex. I regret it as it felt terrible and did nothing to put more love into the world. Although I haven’t witnessed that kind of attack since then, I see and am aware suffering every single day. I do my best to practice and breathe and use my flame as best I can.

It doesn’t always work. I can still get lit up with all kinds of complementarity especially when I see someone inflicting suffering on someone else. But I practice now with the intention of using my fire more skillfully to burn away suffering’s black toxic tar wherever it is happening.


* Did you click on the link to the Invisibilia show? The whole episode is great but at the very least, listen to the actual participants tell the story. Click here.

** I’ve included the complete passage from How Yoga Works by Geshe Michael Roach here as it is visceral and powerful. May it be of benefit.

“’Inside your heart is a tiny red flame, like the flame at the top of a candle. This flame is the power of our selfishness – the habit we have of taking care of ourselves first, and neglecting what others need or want….Look into the Sergeant’s heart. Right there in the middle is a dark, rotten little pool of blackness. It is his sadness, it is his pain; it is the reason why he drinks, and it is his drinking….You want to take this pain away from him, forever. It’s the compassion we spoke about before; it is the real reason why you are doing yoga. And you decide that you want to take his black pain away so badly that you would even take it into yourself, if it meant you could save him from it….And so you begin to take say seven long, slow breaths. The first time you breathe in, that little evil pool of darkness in the center of the Sergeant’s heart stirs and moves; it starts to rise up out of his body, like an ugly cloud of blackness. And as you take more breaths it is sucked up out of his chest, up his throat, and then out of his nostrils. And knowing you would take it on yourself to save him from it, you take all his drunken misery in that little cloud of darkness and you keep breathing it in, and in again, drawing it towards your own face. And then hold it there, just outside your own nostrils….And now something will happen; it will happen a little quickly and so you have to concentrate well upon this part. In one breath you will suck the blackness in through your own nose; you will take it upon yourself. The blackness will come down your throat, into your chest and then slowly – very slowly – it will approach the little red flame of your selfishness: the part of you that would never even imagine taking away someone else’s pain, if it meant having it yourself instead. And the blackness floats slowly towards the edge of the flame, and then suddenly the black makes contact with the red, and there is a burst of beautiful golden light, like a bolt of lightning shining in the purest gold. And in that moment, because you are willing, in that moment, to swallow all the Sergeant’s pain into yourself, the crimson fire of your own selfishness is extinguished, forever. It is gone. And in this explosion too the blackness of the Sergeant’s pain is destroyed: destroyed for him, destroyed for you, destroyed forever. For this is the power, the power of the grace of selfless compassion for others.” (How Yoga Works by Geshe Michael Roach pp 93-95)

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