Recently, I noticed that when I hear unwelcome news I say one thing – “Oh no!” Whenever I say it, I feel the resistance to whatever I’m hearing, the clench against what is happening. Since then, I’ve been playing with saying Yes. It might be, “Yes and I’m so sorry.” Or it might be, “Yes and I see I have no control over that.” Or, “Yes, that’s not what I expected and this can work, too!” There is power in Yes. This week, five mini-postlettes about just that.
How many times do I find myself all grumbly-cranky over someone’s behavior?
Many many times.
How often do I get all snarly-gnarly when someone chooses something that I think they shouldn’t choose?
Especially when our kids were young, I spent a good bit of my time wanting them to do something they weren’t doing or not do something that they were. And it wasn’t just the kids. I felt that way about lots of people…including myself.
These days, I get tangled up in the rough, gray sheets of The ResentVille Hotel less often than I used to. And to this I largely credit my husband, Frank.
Whenever I go on a rant about how someone is doing something they shouldn’t be or not doing something they absolutely should, Frank kindly lets me rattle on about it. When I stop to take a breath (or a gulp of wine), he says something like, “I find I feel better when I love people for who they are and what they do instead of being angry with them about who they aren’t and what they don’t do.”
Yes. Right. That works ever-so much better.
The ResentVille Hotel is a wretched place to stay. I prefer Frank’s Love-‘em-As-They-Are Hostel. That’s where I’m bedding down for the night.